Things a Yankee needs to know

The North and South FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . .. . 1. In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... do not buy food at this store. 3.Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive 4.Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?' 5. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. 6.Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way.. All of them are in denial about it. 7. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper! 8. Be advised that 'He needed killin.' is a valid defense here. 9.If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say. 10. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there. 11. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim. 12.In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

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My family moved to Nashville when I was in third grade. The first thing I learned was that "Southern" is a language. It was also a lifestyle, a philosophy and in some ways a religion.

My Third Grade teacher was a sweet, petite, charming brunette whose only language was Southern.In New York, the word "ham" had one syllable, down here it had two, like in Ha-Yum. Yankees have all kinds of ham, Danish ham, Virginia ham, smoked ham, chip-chopped ham, prosciutto, Black Forest. In the South they just got Ha-Yum. If yer a Yankee and had a ham for dinner on Easter Sunday and everybody made a big deal of it, well, you were eatin' Ha-Yum and just didn't know it.

Well anyway, My teacher Mrs. T (Mrs. is pronounced Mzz) used to have me help (hep) her pronounce words for the rest of the class. She would write a word on the board like "pen", but "pin" would come out of her mouth, so she would say, "Honey, would you pronounce this word for us." I'd sit up and in my best Yankee, I'd say "pen". It wasn't until years later I realized Mrs. T didn't need my help. Generations of Southern kids had been learning how to read and write without a Yankee in class trying talk like Walter Cronkite.

Now that right there is "Southern". Helping a fish out of water kid fit in. Yankees help each other out and all, but then they tell everybody that will listen what a big heart they have and how they don't expect nuthin in return and if everybody would just adopt their attitude the world would be a better place.

Oh man, I could rant a whole book :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:>>>

That was a good movie. He was crazy!>>>

It is not only the language it also the store . My favorite is a combination of " fickin to leeb " of course they are going out to dine at Church's Chicken>>>

..................Invercargill.....isn't that where the bloke portrayed by Anthony Hopkins was from in the movie The Worlds Fastest Indian?>>>

Sumbody needs to git in touch with sumbody, an let them know that ther has been a terrible mistake made in the spellin of the days of the week. This has gone on long enuff, it's time to correct this. Mundy Toosdy Wendsdy....they was fairly close on this one Thursdy....this one to Fridy......an also this one Sairdy Sundy

Ther is no a in them days.....>>>

miscreant..........I cried for a week over that one :(>>>

Southerners were disappointed when the TV show "Amazing Race" was first aired. They thought it was going to be a show about white people. :laugh:>>>

Woody....fixin has multiple meenins,ie,

I'm fixin supper, it'ull be ready shortly. I'm fixin to take care of that today.-some chore momma has for you that ain't been done yet. That ol truck, I'm fixin er'up, she should be ready for tha road by Fri. I'm fixin to beat tha tar out of you. This fixin means business..lol I'm fixin to go to Nashville to git some materials.

Fixin>>>

That's funny!>>>

Pot, how many times a day do you say fixin?

We have some of those #1's even up here. When I first moved where I'm at, I still had a semi and parked it in a field out front. It was a little tricky getting it in and I had just enough gravelled to make a three point turn to turn around. One day my driver gets in late and parks it at a wierd angle. Just after I leave in the morning, I get a call that Jerry has tried to pull out in the semi and the landing gear of the trailer is high-centered on the crown of the road and blocking both lanes.

I hurried back. From a few blocks away, the rear of the semi came into view, with a cloud of white smoke from the front. I feared a blown engine from revving to much.

Then, I saw an old Dodge chained to the front of the loaded semi, spinning his tire into white smoke while his crazy friend bounced in the bed for traction. But then I saw sparks from the landing gear, it was moving, just inching along. They did it and refused anything for it, I thought I owed him a tire.

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Vaa - That should come natural since you live so far south. :laugh:>>>

All you have to do Mike, is slow down the pronunciation of a word and some of them, slangem a little with a soft pronunciation , and not quick and sharp like they do up ther. else is almost 2 syllables with the emphasis on the se. like lsuss. bacon- bakun sausage-sawwsege, anythin with a g at the end you leave off the g, a y is like a short a sound- anything-enathin. Anythin large is just a big-ol thang or thing. A whole lot is a heap-of. That's a hole heap of shingles ther. Some say you-uns or you-unses, around here we say youall or yall.>>>

What, they have different accents from the South and North Islands of NZ? Comeon ya'll>>>